soon to be: two queens and three kings

I seriously can't believe that it's October already.  And i was doing so well at keeping my blog updated... hmm... that didn't last too long!  In approximately three days, I will be meeting my daughter, Lilah Rose for the very first time.  It is so surreal.  I remember so vividly finding out I was pregnant, and freaking out because it was sooner than I had planned.  It was one of the only times I'd taken a pregnancy test and  expected to see "not pregnant" (it was a digital test), but in fact it said "pregnant."  Wow.  I still remember all the thoughts that ran through my mind at that very moment.  And now here we are... 40 weeks later, with a giant belly and swollen feet.  It is pretty amazing how your skin stretches... baffles me frequently actually. 

I just started reading Crazy Love, and it has reminded me what a miracle life is... pregnancy is... etc.  I stand in awe of the God who created life and formed my precious baby in my womb.  From the very beginning, God knew her.  It is amazing to me.  I feel so blessed to be a mommy to my wonderful kids.  God knows what he is doing, I don't know why I ever doubt Him. 

Tuesday, 10/4 is the big day.  We have to be there at 10:30am for prepping, and then I'll be wheeled into the OR at 12:30 for my c-section.  I'm feeling anxious and nervous... and excited... and nervous :)  I'm definitely looking forward to not being pregnant, but on the other hand, it's hard for me to even visualize what having three kids will look like.  I look at my little Isaac, and still think he is so little.  I wonder what his little mind will think of all this.  Joshua is going to be my helper.  He's already said that he wants to hold her and change her diapers etc.  He's such a sweet boy.  He's been watching looney toons lately, and one night at bedtime he quoted:  "I will hug her and hold her and love her and call her george."  haha!  cracks me up!  And it's funny to me that he automatically thinks she'll be exiting through my belly button.  A while back, Josh was sitting on my lap (what's left of it anyway) and she was kicking and kicking him.  He turned around to me with a worried look, lifted up my shirt and pointed at my belly button and said, "mom, is her coming out right now?"  lol!  Today, Isaac was hugging my belly and saying "lilah" and "baby,"  but I'm still not sure how much he really comprehends.  Jude and I both realize we're just going to have to make it a priority to spend special time with each of our kids, so none of them feel left out.  And eventually, Isaac won't even remember life without his baby sister :)

The topic of being "done" has been weighing on our minds lately... and I don't have an answer.  The idea and thought of being able to move on from this stage of life is so appealing, but we're still not so sure.  I guess we'll just have to see what happens.  At this point, the idea of being pregnant again is NOT appealing... but i know somehow, we always forget that part of the equation ;)

Jude has been working the graveyard shift at work, and it's not my favorite.  I really don't like sleeping alone... but it's something I knew we'd have to deal with eventually.  He is such an amazing man, and I feel so lucky to be his wife.  We celebrated 8 years of marriage this last summer, and I just can't even tell you how thankful I am for him.  Jude is such a great dad, and I can't help but smile when the kids light up when they see him.  I think this stage in our lives is probably the hardest, with small kids, but we just keep making it work.  I feel so thankful to be able to stay home with our kids, and I know how hard Jude has worked to make that possible.  I am a lucky girl.

Well, I think that's it... I have a lot of recorded TV to catch up on :)  I'm going to be honest and say, I probably won't be updating it all that frequently with the new addition to our family coming this week... but I'll do what i can.  I'd appreciate any prayers you'd like to send our way.  And here is sweet Lilah in our 4D ultrasound at 29 weeks...