21 weeks : Lilah Rose

We've decided on a name for our precious little girl:  Lilah Rose.  It took us so long to come up with something that we loved, and now we have it.  Little Lilah is moving around quite a bit, and Jude felt her move on the outside of my belly last week.  I can't help but smile whenever i feel her moving, because that is probably my favorite part of pregnancy.  And she's not big enough for the movement to be uncomfortable yet :)  I'm anxious for Joshy to feel her move, because I think he'll get a kick out of that.  I'm looking forward to getting the 4D ultrasound with Lilah too, it's always fun to see them moving around in there.  And after getting it for the first two, we can't NOT get it with the third ;)  Oh my goodness, we're going to have three kids... wow!  Sometimes reality sets in, and it shocks me! 

 Joshua turned three last week, and the pirate party was a success. The next couple days following his party, he kept asking where his bounce house was! ha! and even today, while i was posting pictures of his birthday on FB, he said, "I want a party right now mom." I guess that means he had a good time :) I'm just amazing at how fast he's grown. Three years have gone by so fast, and my little baby boy has grown into a little person... with his own thoughts and opinions. I love that boy so much.

Isaac is 15 months old already!  I feel like he's growing up even faster than his brother did.  He's so funny, and he knows it too.  He woke up today from his morning nap, and said, "hi"  :)  and then Josh said, "hey mom, he's a big guy!"  He's very attached to me.  I can't even walk in the other room without screams of terror.  I don't know where he thinks I'm going... but it terrifies him.  It's hard to get things done around the house with Isaac in those moments, but I figure, it won't last forever (i hope).  He's like a little parrot, and loves to mimic whatever jude, josh or I do... which can be dangerous!  He's such a sweet boy, and I love him to pieces.

 Life is busy... and I understand now how hard you have to work at being married when you have small children.  In two weeks, some friends of ours are getting married in Santa Rosa, and Jude and I are going alone.  I'm SO looking forward to it.  We've never left Isaac before, and Joshy was pretty little the last time we left him.  I'm nervous about it, and I know I'll miss them terribly... but I'm looking forward to being able to just, be.  I think I'm probably more worried about my parents than the children! ha!  Everything seems to go wrong whenever I try to plan it all out.  But I know everyone will survive, somehow :)  Of course, my mom is already asking when we'll be home... and we haven't even left yet!!

I started going to a mom's group on Saturday mornings, through eastside, and I really love it!  We all get along really well, and have babies around the same ages... it's just wonderful.  I always feel filled up when we meet, and I love that!

Both boys are in bed... suppose to be napping.  There is something SO amazing about silence.  Am I right?  :)    

Think Pink :)

Tomorrow I am 20 weeks pregnant, and we found out last week that we're having a girl!  I'm still shocked, and getting used to the idea of a girl, but it's so fun at the same time!  We went to target to get a few things, and i just kind of wandered around the girl section, and got so excited to be able to dress our little bundle in all of those cute clothes.  I was totally expecting the ultrasound tech to tell me it was a boy, and i even kept calling "it" a "he" before she told us... I am so excited and happy that everything looks healthy so far.  And bonus, she didn't make me drink a ton of water and hold it either!  I thanked her for that :)

Isaac came with us to the appointment, and he was so good.  He just sat on Jude's lap the whole time, and in between he layed on me too, so sweet.  When we got home and told Josh, he raised his hands up and said "yessss"  ha!  He's such a sweet boy, and loves telling people we have a girl in mommy's tummy.  sidenote:  Josh just came in the kitchen and said he's had a long day and if he could have a Popsicle.  Gosh he is adorable! 

I've been SO emotional with this pregnancy... and my face is breaking out so bad.  It's annoying.  I feel like I'm in high school again.  I've had a few days of just being weepy, and if something random happens, I'll burst into tears, which is not normal for me.  My energy level depends on the kind of day I've had with the boys... but most days i find that nap time is a necessity, even if i only get a half hour to myself,  i need it! 

I'm looking forward to decorating our little girl's bedroom.  I picked out the bedding, and we're going to do flowers and butterfly decals on the walls.  We have a list of about 5 names that we keep going back and forth on... i don't know why girl names are so much harder.  Naming our boys was a piece of cake.  I'm feeling a bit anxious about what our lives will look like with three kids, but I'm trusting that everything will all work out.

I do feel really encouraged with where I'm at spiritually though... After lent, I feel like i really learned a lot about myself and I'm trying to be a better person, and opening up to what God has for me instead of my own ideas.  It's hard, especially in this stage of our lives, with two small kids, but i was never promised it would be easy.  Every Sunday, i really feel like i get a lot out of church, and am encouraged to take that home and be an example to our kids and just keep working at my walk with God and living that out in everyday life.  MOPS has been great for me and also, i started going to a mom's bible study too, which has been great to meet new moms and go through a book with them.  I feel like I'm constantly learning, and growing... which is a good feeling, and something that i think we are suppose to do. 

Kind of a tangent, but we live really close to a cemetery, and I drive by it all the time, just because it's on our way home etc... and I can't help but think about my brother.  It makes me think a lot ... about him, about other people feeling loss, about my journey in dealing with the grief... just about a lot.  Almost every day i see a green awning/tent thing up, and know that they are preparing for a burial.  And then the other day, I was stopped at a stop light for a very long time, because of a funeral procession... and it made me think of that Thursday, a week after Josh died, how many people came to that church to celebrate his life, and pay their respects, so to speak.  And it made me think of how many cars were in that funeral procession, and how the fire truck was there, with the guys who responded to Josh's accident, and they helped block the roads for all the cars to get to the cemetery.  Feels like a dream sometimes... it's so surreal... just a lot of thoughts in my head.  And I'm not sure, seven years later, if i really dealt properly with any of it.  I miss my brother.  Every single day i wish he was here.  I'm not sure that will ever change... and i don't think i want it to change either.  Anyway... I'm not sure it's so good for me to be thinking so much :)  Especially with all these pregnancy hormones and how weepy I've been. 

In other news: Isaac likes to eat dirt... haha, and Joshua likes to dump dirt on Isaac and Bosco.  Bath time has been wonderful the past couple of days :)

We're starting to think about putting joshy in preschool a couple days a week this fall, which he is so excited about.  Isaac has this new dance i like to call the "bobble-head" which i got on film tonight, and it's hilarious! 

Easter morning :)

 Mother's day/Isaac's dedication