Isaac came with us to the appointment, and he was so good. He just sat on Jude's lap the whole time, and in between he layed on me too, so sweet. When we got home and told Josh, he raised his hands up and said "yessss" ha! He's such a sweet boy, and loves telling people we have a girl in mommy's tummy. sidenote: Josh just came in the kitchen and said he's had a long day and if he could have a Popsicle. Gosh he is adorable!
I've been SO emotional with this pregnancy... and my face is breaking out so bad. It's annoying. I feel like I'm in high school again. I've had a few days of just being weepy, and if something random happens, I'll burst into tears, which is not normal for me. My energy level depends on the kind of day I've had with the boys... but most days i find that nap time is a necessity, even if i only get a half hour to myself, i need it!
I'm looking forward to decorating our little girl's bedroom. I picked out the bedding, and we're going to do flowers and butterfly decals on the walls. We have a list of about 5 names that we keep going back and forth on... i don't know why girl names are so much harder. Naming our boys was a piece of cake. I'm feeling a bit anxious about what our lives will look like with three kids, but I'm trusting that everything will all work out.
I do feel really encouraged with where I'm at spiritually though... After lent, I feel like i really learned a lot about myself and I'm trying to be a better person, and opening up to what God has for me instead of my own ideas. It's hard, especially in this stage of our lives, with two small kids, but i was never promised it would be easy. Every Sunday, i really feel like i get a lot out of church, and am encouraged to take that home and be an example to our kids and just keep working at my walk with God and living that out in everyday life. MOPS has been great for me and also, i started going to a mom's bible study too, which has been great to meet new moms and go through a book with them. I feel like I'm constantly learning, and growing... which is a good feeling, and something that i think we are suppose to do.
Kind of a tangent, but we live really close to a cemetery, and I drive by it all the time, just because it's on our way home etc... and I can't help but think about my brother. It makes me think a lot ... about him, about other people feeling loss, about my journey in dealing with the grief... just about a lot. Almost every day i see a green awning/tent thing up, and know that they are preparing for a burial. And then the other day, I was stopped at a stop light for a very long time, because of a funeral procession... and it made me think of that Thursday, a week after Josh died, how many people came to that church to celebrate his life, and pay their respects, so to speak. And it made me think of how many cars were in that funeral procession, and how the fire truck was there, with the guys who responded to Josh's accident, and they helped block the roads for all the cars to get to the cemetery. Feels like a dream sometimes... it's so surreal... just a lot of thoughts in my head. And I'm not sure, seven years later, if i really dealt properly with any of it. I miss my brother. Every single day i wish he was here. I'm not sure that will ever change... and i don't think i want it to change either. Anyway... I'm not sure it's so good for me to be thinking so much :) Especially with all these pregnancy hormones and how weepy I've been.
In other news: Isaac likes to eat dirt... haha, and Joshua likes to dump dirt on Isaac and Bosco. Bath time has been wonderful the past couple of days :)
We're starting to think about putting joshy in preschool a couple days a week this fall, which he is so excited about. Isaac has this new dance i like to call the "bobble-head" which i got on film tonight, and it's hilarious!
Easter morning :)
Mother's day/Isaac's dedication
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