soon to be: two queens and three kings

I seriously can't believe that it's October already.  And i was doing so well at keeping my blog updated... hmm... that didn't last too long!  In approximately three days, I will be meeting my daughter, Lilah Rose for the very first time.  It is so surreal.  I remember so vividly finding out I was pregnant, and freaking out because it was sooner than I had planned.  It was one of the only times I'd taken a pregnancy test and  expected to see "not pregnant" (it was a digital test), but in fact it said "pregnant."  Wow.  I still remember all the thoughts that ran through my mind at that very moment.  And now here we are... 40 weeks later, with a giant belly and swollen feet.  It is pretty amazing how your skin stretches... baffles me frequently actually. 

I just started reading Crazy Love, and it has reminded me what a miracle life is... pregnancy is... etc.  I stand in awe of the God who created life and formed my precious baby in my womb.  From the very beginning, God knew her.  It is amazing to me.  I feel so blessed to be a mommy to my wonderful kids.  God knows what he is doing, I don't know why I ever doubt Him. 

Tuesday, 10/4 is the big day.  We have to be there at 10:30am for prepping, and then I'll be wheeled into the OR at 12:30 for my c-section.  I'm feeling anxious and nervous... and excited... and nervous :)  I'm definitely looking forward to not being pregnant, but on the other hand, it's hard for me to even visualize what having three kids will look like.  I look at my little Isaac, and still think he is so little.  I wonder what his little mind will think of all this.  Joshua is going to be my helper.  He's already said that he wants to hold her and change her diapers etc.  He's such a sweet boy.  He's been watching looney toons lately, and one night at bedtime he quoted:  "I will hug her and hold her and love her and call her george."  haha!  cracks me up!  And it's funny to me that he automatically thinks she'll be exiting through my belly button.  A while back, Josh was sitting on my lap (what's left of it anyway) and she was kicking and kicking him.  He turned around to me with a worried look, lifted up my shirt and pointed at my belly button and said, "mom, is her coming out right now?"  lol!  Today, Isaac was hugging my belly and saying "lilah" and "baby,"  but I'm still not sure how much he really comprehends.  Jude and I both realize we're just going to have to make it a priority to spend special time with each of our kids, so none of them feel left out.  And eventually, Isaac won't even remember life without his baby sister :)

The topic of being "done" has been weighing on our minds lately... and I don't have an answer.  The idea and thought of being able to move on from this stage of life is so appealing, but we're still not so sure.  I guess we'll just have to see what happens.  At this point, the idea of being pregnant again is NOT appealing... but i know somehow, we always forget that part of the equation ;)

Jude has been working the graveyard shift at work, and it's not my favorite.  I really don't like sleeping alone... but it's something I knew we'd have to deal with eventually.  He is such an amazing man, and I feel so lucky to be his wife.  We celebrated 8 years of marriage this last summer, and I just can't even tell you how thankful I am for him.  Jude is such a great dad, and I can't help but smile when the kids light up when they see him.  I think this stage in our lives is probably the hardest, with small kids, but we just keep making it work.  I feel so thankful to be able to stay home with our kids, and I know how hard Jude has worked to make that possible.  I am a lucky girl.

Well, I think that's it... I have a lot of recorded TV to catch up on :)  I'm going to be honest and say, I probably won't be updating it all that frequently with the new addition to our family coming this week... but I'll do what i can.  I'd appreciate any prayers you'd like to send our way.  And here is sweet Lilah in our 4D ultrasound at 29 weeks...     

Mini-vacation

Jude and i are leaving tomorrow for our miniature vacation to Santa Rosa, for our friends wedding.  I'm so looking forward to it, but I already feel sad about leaving my sweet babies behind.  I'm going to miss them so much, but I can't wait to get some time alone with my husband as well.  It's such a struggle. 

I was telling Joshy about how we were going on a little trip, and that he and Isaac were going to stay with grandma and grandpa... and he said:  "is that fine, if i go with you?"  :)  such a sweet boy.  I told him not to be sad, and to have a good time, and to help take care of his little brother, and he stopped me and said, "but mom, i AM sad."  seriously!?  melts my heart!  Hopefully they'll have some good quality time with grandma and pa, and won't be too big of stinkers while we're gone! 

I'm all tanned, hair is done, had my eyebrows waxed, pedicure and manicure... you'd think i was the one getting married!  I feel like i need all the help i can get, being the only short, pregnant one in the group of bridesmaids!  Hopefully I'll look ok, and not too much bigger than the rest of them! ha!  I know the photographer, so hopefully he'll capture my good angles! lol! 

Jude is growing a horrible mustache for the wedding as well (i wish i had a picture to post).  The groom had the bright idea to make all of his groomsmen grow mustaches so that he looks more handsome.  I think it will work!  I might just bring clippers to the reception and shave it off while we're there :)  He does look very handsome in his suit though :) 

I think we'll have a great time, and I'm looking forward to being able to relax and get some alone time with my hubby as well.  it's been a long time, and WILL be a very long time before it happens again, so I want to take full advantage of this opportunity!

Wish us safe travels :)  And pray that my boys behave themselves!  I miss them already. 

     

21 weeks : Lilah Rose

We've decided on a name for our precious little girl:  Lilah Rose.  It took us so long to come up with something that we loved, and now we have it.  Little Lilah is moving around quite a bit, and Jude felt her move on the outside of my belly last week.  I can't help but smile whenever i feel her moving, because that is probably my favorite part of pregnancy.  And she's not big enough for the movement to be uncomfortable yet :)  I'm anxious for Joshy to feel her move, because I think he'll get a kick out of that.  I'm looking forward to getting the 4D ultrasound with Lilah too, it's always fun to see them moving around in there.  And after getting it for the first two, we can't NOT get it with the third ;)  Oh my goodness, we're going to have three kids... wow!  Sometimes reality sets in, and it shocks me! 

 Joshua turned three last week, and the pirate party was a success. The next couple days following his party, he kept asking where his bounce house was! ha! and even today, while i was posting pictures of his birthday on FB, he said, "I want a party right now mom." I guess that means he had a good time :) I'm just amazing at how fast he's grown. Three years have gone by so fast, and my little baby boy has grown into a little person... with his own thoughts and opinions. I love that boy so much.

Isaac is 15 months old already!  I feel like he's growing up even faster than his brother did.  He's so funny, and he knows it too.  He woke up today from his morning nap, and said, "hi"  :)  and then Josh said, "hey mom, he's a big guy!"  He's very attached to me.  I can't even walk in the other room without screams of terror.  I don't know where he thinks I'm going... but it terrifies him.  It's hard to get things done around the house with Isaac in those moments, but I figure, it won't last forever (i hope).  He's like a little parrot, and loves to mimic whatever jude, josh or I do... which can be dangerous!  He's such a sweet boy, and I love him to pieces.

 Life is busy... and I understand now how hard you have to work at being married when you have small children.  In two weeks, some friends of ours are getting married in Santa Rosa, and Jude and I are going alone.  I'm SO looking forward to it.  We've never left Isaac before, and Joshy was pretty little the last time we left him.  I'm nervous about it, and I know I'll miss them terribly... but I'm looking forward to being able to just, be.  I think I'm probably more worried about my parents than the children! ha!  Everything seems to go wrong whenever I try to plan it all out.  But I know everyone will survive, somehow :)  Of course, my mom is already asking when we'll be home... and we haven't even left yet!!

I started going to a mom's group on Saturday mornings, through eastside, and I really love it!  We all get along really well, and have babies around the same ages... it's just wonderful.  I always feel filled up when we meet, and I love that!

Both boys are in bed... suppose to be napping.  There is something SO amazing about silence.  Am I right?  :)    

Think Pink :)

Tomorrow I am 20 weeks pregnant, and we found out last week that we're having a girl!  I'm still shocked, and getting used to the idea of a girl, but it's so fun at the same time!  We went to target to get a few things, and i just kind of wandered around the girl section, and got so excited to be able to dress our little bundle in all of those cute clothes.  I was totally expecting the ultrasound tech to tell me it was a boy, and i even kept calling "it" a "he" before she told us... I am so excited and happy that everything looks healthy so far.  And bonus, she didn't make me drink a ton of water and hold it either!  I thanked her for that :)

Isaac came with us to the appointment, and he was so good.  He just sat on Jude's lap the whole time, and in between he layed on me too, so sweet.  When we got home and told Josh, he raised his hands up and said "yessss"  ha!  He's such a sweet boy, and loves telling people we have a girl in mommy's tummy.  sidenote:  Josh just came in the kitchen and said he's had a long day and if he could have a Popsicle.  Gosh he is adorable! 

I've been SO emotional with this pregnancy... and my face is breaking out so bad.  It's annoying.  I feel like I'm in high school again.  I've had a few days of just being weepy, and if something random happens, I'll burst into tears, which is not normal for me.  My energy level depends on the kind of day I've had with the boys... but most days i find that nap time is a necessity, even if i only get a half hour to myself,  i need it! 

I'm looking forward to decorating our little girl's bedroom.  I picked out the bedding, and we're going to do flowers and butterfly decals on the walls.  We have a list of about 5 names that we keep going back and forth on... i don't know why girl names are so much harder.  Naming our boys was a piece of cake.  I'm feeling a bit anxious about what our lives will look like with three kids, but I'm trusting that everything will all work out.

I do feel really encouraged with where I'm at spiritually though... After lent, I feel like i really learned a lot about myself and I'm trying to be a better person, and opening up to what God has for me instead of my own ideas.  It's hard, especially in this stage of our lives, with two small kids, but i was never promised it would be easy.  Every Sunday, i really feel like i get a lot out of church, and am encouraged to take that home and be an example to our kids and just keep working at my walk with God and living that out in everyday life.  MOPS has been great for me and also, i started going to a mom's bible study too, which has been great to meet new moms and go through a book with them.  I feel like I'm constantly learning, and growing... which is a good feeling, and something that i think we are suppose to do. 

Kind of a tangent, but we live really close to a cemetery, and I drive by it all the time, just because it's on our way home etc... and I can't help but think about my brother.  It makes me think a lot ... about him, about other people feeling loss, about my journey in dealing with the grief... just about a lot.  Almost every day i see a green awning/tent thing up, and know that they are preparing for a burial.  And then the other day, I was stopped at a stop light for a very long time, because of a funeral procession... and it made me think of that Thursday, a week after Josh died, how many people came to that church to celebrate his life, and pay their respects, so to speak.  And it made me think of how many cars were in that funeral procession, and how the fire truck was there, with the guys who responded to Josh's accident, and they helped block the roads for all the cars to get to the cemetery.  Feels like a dream sometimes... it's so surreal... just a lot of thoughts in my head.  And I'm not sure, seven years later, if i really dealt properly with any of it.  I miss my brother.  Every single day i wish he was here.  I'm not sure that will ever change... and i don't think i want it to change either.  Anyway... I'm not sure it's so good for me to be thinking so much :)  Especially with all these pregnancy hormones and how weepy I've been. 

In other news: Isaac likes to eat dirt... haha, and Joshua likes to dump dirt on Isaac and Bosco.  Bath time has been wonderful the past couple of days :)

We're starting to think about putting joshy in preschool a couple days a week this fall, which he is so excited about.  Isaac has this new dance i like to call the "bobble-head" which i got on film tonight, and it's hilarious! 

Easter morning :)

 Mother's day/Isaac's dedication

a little bit of everything...

I'm 16 weeks pregnant today.  My days feel very busy!  Jude just started a new thing at work, so his schedule is very different, which totally throws me off.  I've had to start being creative to keep my, almost three year old busy during the day.  And I think Isaac gets bored with me when josh is napping and it's just him and I :)  While Isaac naps, josh and i have been doing fun crafts or activities together, which is really fun.  I have some fun idea cards that have come in handy lately.  The boys have been sleeping great and napping great too!  And then of course, today, Isaac is being a stinker about going down for his morning nap...  I can't wait until those dumb molars come in!  

Josh's birthday is in a month, and i just decided today that we will be doing a pirate themed party.  All those moms who have done pirates before me... give me some of your great ideas!!  I really need to start working on the invitations... and i haven't even started shopping for Easter baskets...  ugh.

Isaac started signing "please" and "thank you", which is adorable!  He's signed "all done" and "more" for a while, but i finally got him to say the other two, which i count as quite an accomplishment.  It's the little things right?  He's saying animal sounds now too:  quack, baa, moo... it's very cute. 

I feel like my energy level has finally started to get back to normal... so I've had the energy to clean my house, which has been driving me crazy for weeks now!  I still have a lot to do, but at least i feel like I'm getting somewhere.  I probably should be folding laundry right now actually :)  

So i gave up Facebook for Lent this year, and I was incredibly surprised by how lonely i felt!  And then... it made me kind of sad that my only connection with people is through FB, and that i would feel lonely because of it.  I feel like it's something that has to change... but I'm not really sure where to start.  I think more than ever, I'm really missing community, and connection.  I think it might be time to talk my husband into joining a life group.  We'll see how that goes.  I really miss having close friends... and it makes me sad to think about how things change over time.  

We are working on converting Josh's room into a "big kid room."  I know this sounds crazy, but he's still in his crib.  I asked him how he felt about getting a big boy bed, and he wasn't thrilled with the idea.  I told him that the new baby would need to sleep in his crib, and then suddenly, he was ok with it :)  He's such a sweet boy. 

May 11th is our ultrasound appointment, so we're excited to find out if we'll be having a little boy or girl.  Josh keeps saying it's a boy, so we'll see :) 

         

   

Due date: 10/6/11

Well, we are pregnant. ha! I can't help but laugh, because I'm still getting used to the idea. We had not planned on having another little one quite this soon, but on the other hand, let's face it, we know how these things happen! The day before i found out, i was laughing about how when josh was Isaac's age, i was pregnant, and how completely CRAZY that was! well, there you go. I'm 10 weeks, and due October 6, 2011.

I am a little bit worried and anxious about what our lives are going to look like with a new addition. I'm already praying for patience and my sanity! I am also so very grateful that we have been able to get pregnant without any problems, and so far, everything with the third is going just fine. I got to see the little nugget a couple days ago through an ultrasound. There was one strong little heartbeat, and a lot of wiggling going on :)

When we tell people, almost everyone asks me: so you're hoping for a girl?? And honestly, I can say that I'm not. Boy or girl, I will be totally content. I always say that i would love to buy clothes for a little girl :) but if we had another boy, that would be totally fine with me!

Since this is our third, the topic has come up quite a bit about if we will be "done" after this... and i have to say, it's a little sad thinking that this could be my last pregnancy, but at the same time, also a little bit thrilling! haha! I'm so incredibly tired all the time, and chasing after two, very active boys all day doesn't help either! I know it's only going to get worse as my belly begins to grow... so we'll see. Who knows. Jude keeps saying he wants a boy, and then the fourth to be a girl, so she will have to tell potential boyfriends that her dad is a cop, and she has three older brothers :) Don't know if that will happen, but Jude is a very wishful thinker ;)

In other news, the boys are so fun, and busy! They're outside right now, playing with bubbles. It's so fun to hear them play outside, and giggle with each other. Don't get me wrong, there is already quite a bit of fighting between those two, but i cherish the times they are kind to one another.

Isaac turned one a couple weeks ago, and Josh will be three in May. Where has the time gone? Joshua is very cute about this baby... i picked him up the other day, and he said: "mom, be careful, don't hurt the baby in your tummy." very sweet. I asked him if he wanted a brother or sister, and he said, maybe a sister?? :) Joshy is a very good helper, and such a sweet kid. He's so smart, and very sure of himself.

Isaac is babbling quite a bit, and saying a couple words here and there. He's my cuddly baby. It amazes me how different two kids can be! he's walking all over and very attached to mommy right now. He makes funny faces all the time, and loves to tackle :)

Jude is officially off probation!! It's been a long journey, but I'm very proud of him. We are so thankful for his job, and feel like God really led us to where we're at right now. I couldn't be more grateful.

ok, time to get dinner ready...

planning my baby's first birthday :)

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Another new year...

Where do i start...

Well, my babies are growing and growing fast. Isaac is officially walking (yesterday he walked across the living room!) and Joshua is potty trained! I look back at 2010, and am so amazed with how God blesses our family. I love my husband even more than the day i married him. We have two healthy boys, who make us smile every single day. We love our new home, in brea. Jude is really enjoying his job, and very good at it. I feel absolutely giddy that i get to be a stay at home mommy. And we're already looking toward the future of how our family will grow (not yet, just looking forward to it). I am so lucky. I don't mean to sounds cheesy or lame, but seriously, very lucky.

At church this morning, our pastor talked about three chairs, and what each chair describes: commitment, compromise, and complacency. I am sorry to say, that i realized i am definitely in chair number 2, compromise. I know God, but don't rely on him. He is not a huge part of my everyday life, marriage, work, etc. Not only do i have to work on that, but he also talked about how chair 2 people, usually raise chair 3 children... because kids can see through you, and see hypocrisy. This is weighing very heavy on my heart. I'm sure most parents feel this way, I want my kids to know Jesus. To be in heaven at the end of their life, etc etc. "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Chair 1 people live for Jesus, and work at "being" the church... work to move more people into chair number 1. They have a relationship with God. I realize that i know these things in my head, and I've heard them many times, but i think i have moved away from a relationship - something personal and intimate - with God. I don't want that, and i don't want that for my family, for my children.

So, now... I'm wanting to move into chair 1. What does that look like? How do i get there? I don't want this week to go by, without doing something. I don't want this YEAR to go by, and be in the same place i am right now. i need... i want a spiritual breakthrough.

"take my life and let it be, all for You and for Your glory. Take my life and let it be Yours. Glory to God, Glory to God forever..."

I forgot to talk about our trip to Washington! We went the last week in August, and the boys did so well on the plane ride! Josh, the one that I was worried about, did so well. He watched a movie, relaxed and ate snacks... not a big deal at all. Isaac on the other hand, wasn't as happy as i had hoped! he yelled for a lot of the trip, on the way there. I felt so exhausted when we landed! On the way back home, when I flew alone with the kids, they both slept the entire ride home! I still felt exhausted, just from carrying everything, and isaac, and keeping a hand on joshua, but i was SO thankful that they slept!

We had a great time with family. There were lots of kids josh's age, so it was so fun to see them all play together. I was so glad they got to meet everybody, and especially great grandpa. We took some really great pictures with grandpa. When we got back home, we were saying a prayer for our meal at dinner time, and i was about to say "amen" when Josh said: "and great grandpa too." So cute! I love Washington, and being able to spend time with our family. I am always a bit "homesick" when i get back to CA, just because I love it so much.




As it turns out, it's a lot of work to travel with kids! I don't see that happening again, any time soon! Isaac's sleep habits totally changed, and he no longer sucks his thumb and goes to sleep. I used to brag about how easy he was (serves me right i guess). Now, he cries for about 15 minutes every single time i lay him down to sleep. But I'm sticking with it... and hoping that eventually, he'll just lay down and go to sleep like he used to.


I have a question to any mom's out there who are/have potty trained children. I'm feeling very discouraged at the moment, and I'm wondering if what we're experiencing is somewhat "normal" for potty training. Josh goes pee in the potty just fine... it's great! However, he poops in his pants all the time. I don't know what to do at this point. Will he just "get it" eventually? Or are there tricks out there that i should try that I don't know about? Is it always hard for kids to learn to poop in the potty? If you have any feedback, I'd love to hear it!


Other fun stuff I forgot to mention in my last post ...

Joshy counts to ten! One day, he even made it to 20, but skipped a couple of numbers in between :) We're working on colors and shapes etc. I have flash cards that we've been working with. I also want to do some number and letter cut outs and hang them in his room. He's like a sponge... so might as well :) He really likes sesame street right now, and that show is great for learning letters and numbers! He loves his daddy too... which is just adorable. This past work week for Jude, every day Josh got up from his nap, he would ask for Daddy, and then say: "me need daddy"... so cute.


Isaac claps his hands now, whenever you sing Patty cake. And he says: Da-da-da-da. No mama yet, but I'm working on it! While we're eating, I'll ask him if he wants more (with baby sign language) and he'll start clapping, which is pretty close to "more" so i count it as signing!! :)


I'm really looking forward to the fall season, and all the holidays coming up. The weather has been so nice and cool this week... i just love it!

King Update :)

I can't believe we're in the middle of October. Seriously, where does the time go? I guess that saying is pretty accurate: When you're a mother, the days are long, but the years are short.

This is what the King's have been up to lately:


We started the whole potty training process with Josh. I wasn't ever really in a hurry, but just kinda felt like it was the right time. He started to hate getting his diaper changed, and I was kinda tired of changing big kid diapers anyway! He's been doing really well! We still have some accidents, but I'm very proud of him. I think the key is consistency. And I realized the reason why i didn't start earlier, was because i am very lazy :) At the beginning, and even sometimes now, I take the blame for most of the accidents, because I lose my consistency.


He's talking a lot too. Full sentences, and i love it... most of the time ;) It's definitely a hard age, because he has opinions now, and knows what he wants or doesn't want. One day, if i heard "no me want to" one more time, I probably would have hurt somebody! And like tonight, we went to down town disney for a little while, and he HAD to hold his sunglasses, and have the hood of his sweatshirt on his head... the whole time! hilarious, and so cute that he is becoming his own little person! He loves to mimic Jude's every move too, which is adorable, and kinda scary at the same time! He's really into Toy Story right now, and grandma bought him his very own Sheriff Woody doll... which he LOVES! He's sleeping great too, and it feels like so long ago that i would PLEAD with God to help him sleep through the night. My little boy is growing up so fast.


Isaac is sitting up now, and kind of army crawling around a little bit. He's really good about sitting up, and playing with toys by himself. He lasts even longer at that when his big brother is close by to entertain him :) He's really a happy baby, and is very interactive now. He fake coughs now, and smiles easily, to most people ;) he's been having separation anxiety a bit with me... but I'm pretty sure that's normal. He LOVES to pull my hair and bite my chin... and now that he has teeth, it hurts a lot! He has 7 teeth all together. He's eating fruits and veggies, and is not picky at all. He started to self feed too, with baby puffs and some of those Gerber yogurt melts. and of course, thinks it's so funny to throw them off of his high chair too! I call him my wet noodle, because he loves to just throw his body backwards and hang upside down... i could just squeeze him!! It's really fun to see the differences in their personalities.



Jude and I are doing well too. I've realized how important it is to stay connected as a married couple when you have little ones. It can happen so easily, because you're busy with the kids, and then tired after the kids are in bed! We do our best to make time for each other... even if it's just chatting before bed time, or something like that.

Life with two kids is much different than just one. I remember being told that while i was pregnant with Isaac, but you really don't get it, until you're there for yourself. Some days i find myself barely hanging on... and then other days, it's great! thank goodness my parents are close by! A lot of days, while jude is at work, I'll retreat over to their house, just to get a breather... and to have extra arms around to help me! Don't get me wrong, I love my kids! So very much. But some days are tough :) I try to remind myself to cherish every second, whether it's good or bad, because before I know it, my two little baby boys will be grown. And, I'll probably even miss these years!

Anyway... That's where we're at!

They are best friends already :)

growing boys...

well... where do i start? It's been very busy for us. Joshua's birthday party was great, we moved the first week of June, Isaac weighs 22 pounds, and now we are getting ready to leave on vacation tomorrow.

Josh is such a big kid, and amazes me how much he's grown! He's saying sentences now, and talking all the time! he'll say little catch phrases like: "watch this" or "oh man" too, which is so funny. he pretty much repeats everything he hears now, which is very dangerous! he loves our new house, and is outside all the time. It's so great that i don't have to worry about our pool anymore. He LOVES his baby brother so much, and always likes to help mommy take care of him ;) Discipline has been tough at times, but i really think he's catching on! ha! you know what they say about terrible twos! He's not really showing any interest in going potty on the big boy potty, so i'm not in any hurry. He's gone pee on the potty a couple times, and thinks that's pretty cool... but that's about it. he continues to impress us with his athletic skills :) He dribbles the basketball, and plays baseball... oh and football is one of his favorites. It's hard for me to get him out of his bronco jersey!

Isaac is such a sweetheart. He is big too! ha! Off the charts, and the nurse laughs every time we weigh him! He's wearing 12 month clothing now, and just cute as can be. He goes to sleep on his own now... i started quite a bit earlier with him than i did josh. I think i learned my lesson! he sleeps great at night, and naps are kind of hit or miss, it depends on the day i guess. He has TWO bottom teeth now, and loves to chew on everything. He just recently started "yelling"... that's the best way i know how to describe it. He just wants to be heard :) He's very easy going, and loves his big brother. He also loves daddy very much, and smiles at him all the time. Everybody else has to work for smiles from Isaac, but not daddy :) He's growing up so fast, and I find myself enjoying the stages more with Isaac, because i've learned through josh, that they don't last long at all.

We moved in June, and we absolutely love our new house. Once we were settled in, we couldn't think of anything that we missed about the old house... and that's a good feeling. We're in a great neighborhood, and we've made it our home. And, it is pretty cool to have such a great view from our backyard too!

Tomorrow, we leave for WA state! This will be both Josh and Isaac's first plane ride... and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little bit nervous about it! It's only a 2 1/2 hour flight, so i'm hoping they do well, and that we're not "those people" who have screaming kids on the plane! :) I'm really looking forward to my family meeting my boys, and for them to meet their great grandpa Zollner too. I think it'll be a great time, i am really looking forward to it!

Until next time :)

sorry, i tried to add photos, but it's not working right... I'll try again soon :)

I'm amazed...

My little boy is turning TWO this weekend, and I'm completely blown away by that! It's so hard to grasp... he's growing so fast! He just recently lost his baby belly, and has grown about 2 inches in height. He's talking all the time, and starting to put small sentences together too, which is so fun to listen to. He's SO excited for his birthday, and when you ask him how old he is going to be, he says 6! ha! And then I ask him if he means two, and he says "two." Josh has been sick recently, but i think we finally have gotten rid of whatever virus he was fighting with for so long. I can't tell you how much a adore my Joshy... and it's so fun to sit back and watch him grow. I don't mean to brag, but he is a natural at so many things, which his father takes full credit for ;) and he's SUCH a great big brother!

Little Isaac is doing so well! He's my 'easy baby' and i love to see the differences in his personality. He's been sleeping through the night for a while now, and he will be three months on Sunday. He's such a happy baby, and so relaxed! At two months, he weighed 15 1/2 pounds! And just yesterday I weighed him on our scale, and it said he weighs 19 pounds! He's a growing boy, and has a double chin that just won't stop :) When Jude first went back to work after Isaac was born, I was so nervous to be alone with both boys, in fear of not being able to handle it... but i have to say, I think I've got it down pretty well now. My parents are such a big help to me, and now that Isaac is a little older, it just keeps getting easier.

I got the boys pictures taken today at JC Penney, and they turned out so great! I'll have to post some when i get the CD. I spent way too much money, it's kind of a scam i think... especially when dealing with pictures of your kids! oh well, you live and learn right? I sure miss not having our photographer friend nearby!

Our little family of four is doing quite well, and I absolutely LOVE being a mommy. It's the hardest, and most rewarding job I will ever have.

Jude's job is going well too, and he's getting the hang of it. The next hurdle is probation, which will be over next March. Never would have thought I'd be married to a police officer! He looks so cute in his uniform ;)

Did i mention we're moving? Ugh... kind of a long story, but we're moving to Brea the first week of June. It should be good in the long run, but I'm really sad to be leaving our home. You get kind of attached to some things, and it makes me sad.

Anyway, Sorry I'm so bad at updating this :)

Here's my sweet boys on Easter

I think this is called nesting...?

In 3 1/2 days we will have our second baby, Isaac Jude. That is so crazy to think about! I find myself feeling very overwhelmed by the thought of it, and yet, I'm anxious at the same time. I feel like i have so much to do, in terms of getting the house ready and cleaned up, so it's nice to come home to from the hospital. I ran a ton of errands today to get last minute things finished up before I'm incapacitated! Grocery shopping and picking up prescriptions and sending out thank you notes from my shower and making sure we have diapers for everybody! ha! Am I really ready for this? I hope so! It feels like we just went through this... and I guess it really wasn't that long ago!

I was cuddling with my little munchkin tonight and realizing how much I'm going to miss him while I'm in the hospital. I have only been away from him for one night at a time... so this is going to be the longest we've been apart. Is it weird that I'm really sad that I'm going to have to be away from him? When we first got pregnant, I was talking to a mom of three, and she said something that has stuck with me, and helped me cope with the fact that I'm going to be away from Joshua: This time in the hospital with baby number 2, is the ONLY time that it is just going to be the three of you alone... so take advantage of it, and don't worry about anything else. I think that might be easier said than done for me!

Please pray for us this next week. More than anything, I'm worried about my little joshy... and how he's going to do without me. haha, maybe you should pray for my parents who have to take care of him!! I hope my recovery is just as easy as my first, and that everything goes smoothly with the delivery etc. Pray that Isaac is healthy and happy, and loves to sleep! :)

5 days and counting

I just really like this picture :)

We have five days until our scheduled c-section. It's a little bit crazy to think about... to wrap my head around. I'm growing increasingly more uncomfortable, but I'm trying to enjoy this time and be thankful that I don't have a newborn right now. I remember being very anxious for Josh to arrive, and then when he was here, I wished I could shove him back "up there" so i could just sleep at night! ha! I have several contractions, but they aren't painful, just uncomfortable. It's so weird how different this pregnancy feels from my first. Some of my friends even tell me that I look different this time around. I haven't taken nearly as many photos this time, mainly because I just haven't thought about it. I do need to take one sometime before Tuesday though... for my belly book :)

Today, we cleaned up the house, and got the baby stuff down from the attic and I'm actually washing all of that stuff right now. Jude and I are both nervous and excited about the new addition to our family. TWO kids?? What are we going to do with ourselves? ha! I'm so thankful that Jude will have almost three weeks off... although, I just might die when he goes back to work!

The weather in SoCal has been so beautiful this past week! We've gone to the park the past two days, and let Joshua play. There were a ton of kids there too, which was fun for him. We fed the ducks and he ran around wanting to pet them :) Those geese sure are aggressive! And then, on our way back to the car, Josh fell right in the mud! He was really upset to have his hands and knees muddy! Too bad I didn't get a picture of him belly down in the mud!

I absolutely love Jude's work schedule! It's so great having him home for three days, and being able to spend time together. Joshua really enjoys it too!

Joshy is getting really good at riding his tricycle, and today for the first time, he wore the bronco jersey that we bought probably 4 years ago for our 'future child.' He looked so cute! And he thought it was SO cool that Daddy had one just like his! I took pictures, so as soon as i download them, I'll have to post some! Very cute!

Jude and I celebrated valentine's day last night, and it was so nice. We went to see a movie and had dinner at one of our favorite places, roman cucina. We both decided we need to really make time for date nights. I know the next couple weeks/months will be a little crazy, but it's something we need to do. I just love valentine's day! Such a great excuse to tell the person you love how much they mean to you. And Jude is very good at spoiling me :)

Tonight we had a lot of fun with Play-Doh! I feel like Josh gets bored with the same old stuff all the time, and I really want to find some activities that are fun, and don't get old (if anybody has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them). So we decided to get some play-doh, and luckily, we found a pack that came with a rolling pin, cookie cutters etc. It was so fun to watch Josh explore with all of that, and play and create. He REALLY liked the toy scissors, and was doing really well with figuring out how they worked. Got to love Play Doh!

Today, Joshua woke up with a runny nose... that's all i need right? A sick toddler with a newborn baby. We're trying to nip it in the bud before it gets worse, but that never seems to work with our son! Please pray that it's just an allergy or something, and it goes away SOON! He also (knock on wood) has been sleeping through the night! SIX nights in a row to be exact! I'm so proud of him, and tell him so every morning! Tonight might be a different story due to his snotty nose, but we'll see.

Anyway... That's all for now :) I always think I'm just going to post a quick something or other, and it ends up being a chapter book! Sorry about that :) If I don't get a chance to post something before our little Isaac arrives, wish us luck, and we'd appreciate any prayers you'd like to send our way!

a little bit overwhelmed

First, a sidenote: In two weeks, we will be having another baby. Just let that sink in for a minute!

Holy Moly!

I'm a part of a women's bible study/mentor program right now, and I absolutely love it! It's so nice to go and be encouraged by women who have been through "this" already, and have such great insight to make us better wives and mothers. This last Saturday, we talked about "Loving our Children" and I walked away feeling so overwhelmed by my job description! I found myself babbling like an idiot when Jude got home from work that day, telling him all that i had learned and all that I want to implement in our family.

I know Josh is still very young, but I think it's so important to start early!

We talked about how we, as parents, set the mood in our home, and is that mood joyful? Do our children feel safe and secure in our home? It should be a safe haven. How our children read our faces for reactions, and take cues on how they should react to certain situations. What kind of looks are we giving our child? And I know for a fact that Joshua already reads my face SO well! How do we want to be remembered as parents and grandparents? Children are a gift from God, and placed in our care. If we love our children, we have to trust that God loves them SO much more. Is the Lord building our house? We are commanded to teach our children the word of God. It's not a suggestion. They asked us to sit down and create five forever qualities that we think are important for our children. We talked about discipline, and consistency, and making sure they know their opinions and feelings matter but that we as parents are to be respected. The best way to lead, is by example. How to make our children feel special. Teaching manners, and what matters the most is how they behave when no one is watching. Memorizing scripture with our kids.

And that's not even everything that we talked about! Now can you see why I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed!? Don't get me wrong, I loved it, and to be honest, I'm kind of excited to start (continue) on this journey. I feel so blessed that God entrusted me with this job in the first place. With Him by my side, anything is possible... now i just have to believe that!

This world we live in is so different from the one I grew up in. And I really want to take the best from my parents example, and change some things as well. I desperately want my kids to remember me as loving them unconditionally. And i want them to love unconditionally as well. I don't want to be judgemental, and I want them to know that their thoughts and feelings are valid. I want them to know joy and hope and see the love between me and Jude. I want family time to be important, and valued. I want to be sensitive, and help them learn how to walk through heartache or pain or whatever hardship they have to go through, and know that I will cry with them. I want my kids to know they can come to me, no matter what. I want my children to be well behaved, and I want to enjoy their company. I want them to know Jesus, and trust Him.

I look at Joshua, and I love him so much. I know I've said this before, but I never thought I could love another human to this degree. I want to soak it all in, and cherish this stage of life. It changes every day, and I know he'll be grown in the blink of an eye. He is such a good boy, and now we have another one on the way! And I know that I will love and adore Isaac in the very same way. Their innocence is so precious to me. I look forward to this next stage of life. And I am up for the challenge to raise them the way God has commanded me to. I know I'm going to screw up, and I know sometimes I will fail... but I trust in God to pick up my slack! I will try my best to raise them in the way they should go, and when they are grown, they will not turn from it.

Who would have thought being a mom was such hard work ;)

Not sure why I thought of this just now, but...

I was so inspired by a speaker named Nick, and I can't remember his last name at the moment... but he was born with no arms or legs...?? Anyway, he was amazing, and i was in tears for most of his sermon. But the hope he has in Jesus is simply astounding. I felt like if I just lived with a TEENY, tiny bit of the hope he lives with, I would be made in the shade.

Just a cute picture :) This was taken a while ago, but I just love it!! My little Joshy :)

Bowling!!

I just had to share... we took Joshy bowling for the first time today, and it was SO cute! He was so excited, and every time he pushed the ball down the lane, he would turn around and hold his arms in the air and say "whoa!" It was precious! And even me, at 37 weeks pregnant, bowled! ha! I might pay for it tomorrow, it felt like quite a work out, but I'm so glad we went. I was kicking myself that I didn't bring my camera... but trust me, it was adorable to watch him bowl!

He also said "please" for the first time yesterday! He has always signed please, and I just kept trying to get him to use his words to say it, and it never kicked in, until yesterday! It's so cute, and he still rubs his belly while saying the actual word, which is adorable.

Isaac is running out of room I think. I'm so achey, it pretty much hurts to walk... which is annoying. I asked my doctor about that, because i didn't experience this with my first pregnancy, and she said it's normal for it to happen the more babies you have. Great right?! How do women have 4, 5, or 6 kids? I don't think I could do it! I'm trying to stay positive, and look on the bright side: at least i don't have to get up every couple hours at night to feed my newborn baby. I remember with Josh, I was SO anxious to have my baby, and then afterwards, I wondered why I was so stinkin' anxious! I just wanted to sleep! ha :)

I'm curious how things are going to change having two kids. I assume it'll be harder, and I'm probably going to have to rely on Jude for a lot more than I ever did with our first child. In some sense, I feel like I'm kinda starting over. Josh is pretty easy, for the most part, and now I'm going all the way back to the starting line! And will I want to do it again, and have a third baby?? I'm not entirely sure anymore :) Of course, I thought that after Josh too... and then somehow you forget all the hard times, and get pregnant again anyway! ha! I guess we'll just see what happens.

My baby shower last Sunday was so nice. I just really appreciate all of my friends and family. It's so nice to feel so loved, and to know how many people care about me and my growing family! It really means a lot to me. And now, I pretty much have everything I need for baby Isaac. We made some returns, and were able to get all the necessities. Now, I just need to go in and clean the room. It feels very dusty to me, so it shouldn't be too much work. I just want it to be nice and clean for him. Meanwhile, the rest of my house feels pretty dusty too, but I'm trying to focus on one thing at a time! My mom said she'd come over and help... so I'm glad I won't have to do it alone!

Jude is really enjoying being on his own at work! His stress level has come down a TON, and he's just happier now. I know it's hard on him, but when he's stressed, it's hard on me too! I feel so helpless, and wish i could do something to help him out! So, I'm about as relieved as he is ;)

Alright, that's all for now :)

Here's a 4D ultrasound picture of little Isaac. His little nose is kind of smushed...

wow, time flies when you're having fun

So, I've been so awful at keeping my blog updated through this pregnancy! Poor second children :) I'm very busy running after Joshua these days, and when i get a minute to myself, the last thing i want to do is get on the computer! So I'm sorry.

Isaac Jude is growing, and growing fast. I'm 36 1/2 weeks along now. We have a scheduled c-section on February 23, at 12:30pm. I'm hoping I don't go into labor before then! Both our baby boys will be born on the 23rd of the month... which is kinda cool i guess! We scheduled it for a Tuesday, just so Jude can have the most time off with me as possible. I'm going to need all the help i can get! At this point, I'm pretty ready to have this baby. Right now, pregnancy is just uncomfortable, and like I've said before... I think God made pregnancy the perfect amount of time, because by the end of it, you're READY to be done! You don't miss it! I've been lucky and had a very uneventful pregnancy. Our little boy is healthy, and everything looks great.

We got a 4D ultrasound of Isaac, and he looks SO much like little Josh did! We put the pictures together and it was hard to tell the difference! At least we know Isaac will be an adorable little boy :)

We've been busy getting Josh's big boy room put together and getting the nursery all ready for Isaac. Once it's done, I'll be sure to post pictures. We kept it the same, but we went with an airplane theme this time. Since the nursery was "outside" we thought it would fit just perfect, but also be a little bit different for our new baby boy. My mom has made an adorable airplane quilt, and made some wall hangings with airplanes and helicopters on them. Jude made some little wooden, toy airplanes too, which turned out great! We have them sitting on shelves.

My mom and sister are throwing me a baby shower this Sunday, which I'm excited about! It's always so fun to get together with friends who love you and love our little baby already. It's also nice, this time around, because i don't need nearly as much stuff as i did before. Which is much less stressful! I went through all of Josh's clothes, and organized them by size... who would have thought we had SO many clothes for just one little boy! They grow so fast, and with every season you need to buy new clothes for them to wear! It sure adds up! Hopefully Isaac and Josh will be on the same size/season :)

Jude's last day of his Field Training Officer Program is tonight! Can you believe it? It's been a long time coming! He will be on his own in his own patrol car starting this Sunday! He's looking forward to that! I'm so proud of him. He's worked so hard this past year to become a police officer, and provide for our family. I just can't tell you enough how PROUD I am of him. He was in the academy for 6 months, graduated on September 11, 2009 and then that next week started his FTO program at the city of Orange. He's been through 4 phases, and now he's done! The next step is getting through his probation (1 year). Jude was Class president in the academy, and at the graduation ceremony, he won the most prestigious award! It was so moving, i had tears in my eyes! He gave a speech and everything. Again... SO PROUD of him. I feel like our boys have such an amazing role model in Jude. I would be so happy for them to grow up and be just like their dad!

Joshua is growing up so fast. He's 20 months now, and everyday I look at him and think, how has my little baby gotten to be so big? He's talking a lot, saying lots of words. He throws and catches a football and basketball. He loves to watch and play hockey. He runs everywhere and just started jumping with both feet off the ground! This week, he started doing somersaults ... which is so fun to watch! He loves having his daddy home more often! Jude has three days off in a row now, and Joshy loves it! In the academy, some weeks he would work all 7 days, so now it's a much better change of pace. Joshy loves so deeply, and I can't tell you what it does to my heart when he comes up to give me a hug and a kiss, without me prompting! Before you become a mother, you have no idea the level of love that you will hold for your kids... it's simply amazing. I feel like i get a glimpse of what our heavenly father feels for us when i look at my son.

Josh is still not the best night time sleeper, but I've come to accept that. I just keep telling myself that one day, I'll have to drag him OUT of bed! ha! It's hard too, because he's gone through sickness, and teething...etc. I just keep hoping it'll get better and better. AND that's why I know that Isaac is going to be a great sleeper ;) I just keep speaking that into existence!

I was on my way home tonight with little Joshy, and for some reason, I thought about my brother. Luckily now, I can think about him and remember him without tears every time. But I remembered how he used to hug me really tight and kiss my cheek... to piss me off usually. And it wasn't just remembering, it was almost like i could feel him hug me while sitting in my car. The feeling was so strong, and it immediately brought a smile to my face. I remembered his facial hair scratching my cheek, and how tall and strong he was. An then I remembered how, when we were a little bit younger, I used to do the same thing to him. Hug and kiss him just to make him squirm. It brought me back to when i was 19 years old, living at home ... with absolutely no idea of what was to come... or how this life would unfold... and of course now, the tears are coming...

I miss my brother. It takes my breath away.

sorry to end on such a depressing note. I love when memories come to me, and I hope that somehow, I can show my kids how important it is to love each other. There is something so special about siblings, and I don't feel like I fully grasped that until "Uncle" Josh was taken from me.

And here are some pictures for your enjoyment :)

This is the three of us at Jude's graduation.

Josh and me in October, when we went to Oak GlenJoshy and Daddy by our christmas tree :)The whole family on Christmas Eve

well, well, well

I have some wonderful news! We are pregnant again! I'm only about 6 weeks... and yes, I'm a little nervous about telling everyone so early, but we figure, we'll need the support from friends and family if something goes wrong anyway. We didn't really expect to get pregnant so quickly... but it's funny how these things happen sometimes :) It was the first time we tried! Little Joshy, and his brother or sister will be about 21 months apart, just the same as me and my brother were. I'm really excited, and nervous too. It's going to be totally different being pregnant with a toddler, but I'm looking forward to the challenge! Speaking of little Joshy... he is just the cutest thing you've ever seen! My heart melts every time I look at him. He's walking and talking, and oh so cute! He's such a big boy now, and I never thought it was possible to love a little person SO much! He's such a smart kid, and is totally aware of everything you say to him. He is mommy's little helper!

Jude is in the academy, and half way done now! Yippee! He graduates on September 11th, and I'll just be out of my first trimester by then. I'm very happy that i won't be large during the summer months, we really couldn't have planned it better :) Jude is doing well, of course! And in the top 5 of his class. It's hard for him to be away so much, but we're making the best of it, and we see and end date in sight.

I haven't felt sick at all, just really tired lately. I feel like I'm cherishing the time I have with Josh even more now, because I know it's not just going to be the two of us for long. And I have to be honest, that kinda makes me sad. We've been partners the last several months, and i know this sounds silly, but I'm sad that he won't have my full attention. Ha! Even as I say that, it sounds funny, but it's true. I know he'll adjust just fine, it's just sad to think about right now for me... and that may be the hormones talking :)

Joshua is sleeping like an angel, and I'm SO glad I trained him how to sleep. I think with number 2, we'll do that much sooner than 9 months... with two kids, I think it'll be something i HAVE to do!

We are enjoying the pool very much, and trying to stay cool in this hot weather! We had a fabulous first birthday party for Joshua, and I can't believe it's over already. Time flies by! We did a "fun in the sun" themed pool party. Josh wanted nothing to do with the gifts, which surprised me!

Joshy got his first haircut a few weeks ago too, and now has 7 teeth!

Here's a picture of 'we three kings', on Josh's actual birthday. We went to Irvine park, just the three of us :)

That's all for now, I'll try to write more frequently :)

Teeth and exciting news!

I can't believe it's March already! Well, our little boy has teeth!! 3 teeth to be exact! I took him to his 9 month check up a week ago Tuesday, and she said four on the top are coming in, and that his gums were swollen. One of the top popped through, and he's got two on the bottom. And so far, there hasn't been any issues with breastfeeding. I heard from some moms that it's like starting all over when they get teeth... but I haven't had any issues at all... thank goodness :)

And the big news is: Jude is officially employed with the City of Orange, as a Police Officer Recruit. He starts the pre-academy on march 16, and the academy on March 30th! We are really excited and so thankful that everything moved so quickly. We feel really lucky. He got his hat and a bunch of other stuff last night, and it was fun taking pictures and putting his hat on Josh :) We are definitely blessed.

Last week, we were fortunate to spend some time with family from out of town. My aunt Rita and my cousin Jenny, and her son Mason were here for about a week. It was fun to see Mason and Joshua play together... they're only a month apart. We were busy, and made a trip to the beach last Saturday... and let me tell you, it was absolutely beautiful! Not crowded, not too hot... it was so fun, and Joshua LOVED it! It was lots of fun to be able to spend time with them, and we're sad that they're gone!

Joshua continues to babble like crazy, and now his favorite thing to do is point. He's getting really good at saying 'all done' in sign language, and 'more' too. we're working on 'please' and 'thank you'. He wants to walk, and i think he'll be there soon. He does crawl on all fours now, but he'd much rather hold one of your hands and walk around the house. Some friends of ours let us borrow a really cute little mini-wagon, and he walks all around pushing that thing. It's adorable. I just weighed him this morning, and he weighs 24 pounds... we recently had to get a different car seat, because he out grew the one we had.

It's so much fun, and I feel like he's really understanding what I say now, and he'll even do things I ask him to. He dances now too, which is amazing... and I really need to get that on film. He's been really interested in putting his toys into this little box... and then dumping them all out again. He pats my back when I give him a hug too... well not all the time, but sometimes. It's so fun to see him get bigger, and develop into a little boy. Sometimes I wish I could just squeeze him SO tight!

Just this week, we've been working on going to sleep on 'our' own. A friend of mine told me it would only take about a week to train him... so I started on Monday, and I haven't rocked him to sleep since. And let me tell you... it is so freeing. The first and second day were the worst... but now he doesn't cry for very long at all, and he's sleeping better through the night too! It's a win-win! It was getting to the point where I was getting up 4 or 5 times a night, and I was so tired of it. I kept making excuses as to why I shouldn't let him cry... but I think I reached the end of my rope and felt like I had no other option, unless I wanted to keep getting 4-5 hours of sleep per night. I really do think it's best for him and me, and he's learning to sooth himself and sleep! I can't help but feel proud of myself, and I kept thinking, when he's two years old, I do not want to have to rock him to sleep... or even if I get pregnant again, I can't be getting up all night long! So that's where we're at, and it feels good. For the first time in MONTHS, I've been able to sleep for 5 and 6 hours in a ROW! It's amazing!! Little mason helped convince my I think, because they started early with him, and he just hangs out in his crib for a couple minutes, and then he's out. So I'm looking forward to when Josh doesn't cry at all, and just knows that it's time for bed. Oh, and the last couple nights, I go in there, and turn off the lights, get his blanket, and pacifier, and Josh actually points to his crib and leans towards it... like he wants to go in there. I think that's a victory! :)

Anyway... He's already nine months old, and going to be 10 months old soon, and I'm still learning! I guess you're never done learning when you're a mom! :) And I absolutely love it. This is my dream job, and I'm so glad I get to stay home and be a mommy. I have my husband to thank for that... Love you honey!

So join me in congratulating my amazing Husband for his new job!! :) He deserves it!! And thanks to all of our family and friends for talking to the background investigators, and saying nice things about Jude :)

Thanks for reading... and here are some cute pictures of my little family :)

Jude bought Josh his first basketball... so cute!

Josh loves bath time :) and is now too big for the kitchen sink.

My little valentine.

Daddy playing video games... but I love the look Josh is giving me in this one!Joshua loves his cousin Cole.Naked baby :) and cute hubby :)Such a big boy now.Walking around like a pro!Pushing Mason in the wagon... adorable!At Orange County Zoo.Joshua loves his Grandpy.We took the boys on the train ride.Josh got Judes very first Orange PD sticker :)And was being a turd at this moment...Joshua in Jude's Police hat :) so cute!