soon to be: two queens and three kings

I seriously can't believe that it's October already.  And i was doing so well at keeping my blog updated... hmm... that didn't last too long!  In approximately three days, I will be meeting my daughter, Lilah Rose for the very first time.  It is so surreal.  I remember so vividly finding out I was pregnant, and freaking out because it was sooner than I had planned.  It was one of the only times I'd taken a pregnancy test and  expected to see "not pregnant" (it was a digital test), but in fact it said "pregnant."  Wow.  I still remember all the thoughts that ran through my mind at that very moment.  And now here we are... 40 weeks later, with a giant belly and swollen feet.  It is pretty amazing how your skin stretches... baffles me frequently actually. 

I just started reading Crazy Love, and it has reminded me what a miracle life is... pregnancy is... etc.  I stand in awe of the God who created life and formed my precious baby in my womb.  From the very beginning, God knew her.  It is amazing to me.  I feel so blessed to be a mommy to my wonderful kids.  God knows what he is doing, I don't know why I ever doubt Him. 

Tuesday, 10/4 is the big day.  We have to be there at 10:30am for prepping, and then I'll be wheeled into the OR at 12:30 for my c-section.  I'm feeling anxious and nervous... and excited... and nervous :)  I'm definitely looking forward to not being pregnant, but on the other hand, it's hard for me to even visualize what having three kids will look like.  I look at my little Isaac, and still think he is so little.  I wonder what his little mind will think of all this.  Joshua is going to be my helper.  He's already said that he wants to hold her and change her diapers etc.  He's such a sweet boy.  He's been watching looney toons lately, and one night at bedtime he quoted:  "I will hug her and hold her and love her and call her george."  haha!  cracks me up!  And it's funny to me that he automatically thinks she'll be exiting through my belly button.  A while back, Josh was sitting on my lap (what's left of it anyway) and she was kicking and kicking him.  He turned around to me with a worried look, lifted up my shirt and pointed at my belly button and said, "mom, is her coming out right now?"  lol!  Today, Isaac was hugging my belly and saying "lilah" and "baby,"  but I'm still not sure how much he really comprehends.  Jude and I both realize we're just going to have to make it a priority to spend special time with each of our kids, so none of them feel left out.  And eventually, Isaac won't even remember life without his baby sister :)

The topic of being "done" has been weighing on our minds lately... and I don't have an answer.  The idea and thought of being able to move on from this stage of life is so appealing, but we're still not so sure.  I guess we'll just have to see what happens.  At this point, the idea of being pregnant again is NOT appealing... but i know somehow, we always forget that part of the equation ;)

Jude has been working the graveyard shift at work, and it's not my favorite.  I really don't like sleeping alone... but it's something I knew we'd have to deal with eventually.  He is such an amazing man, and I feel so lucky to be his wife.  We celebrated 8 years of marriage this last summer, and I just can't even tell you how thankful I am for him.  Jude is such a great dad, and I can't help but smile when the kids light up when they see him.  I think this stage in our lives is probably the hardest, with small kids, but we just keep making it work.  I feel so thankful to be able to stay home with our kids, and I know how hard Jude has worked to make that possible.  I am a lucky girl.

Well, I think that's it... I have a lot of recorded TV to catch up on :)  I'm going to be honest and say, I probably won't be updating it all that frequently with the new addition to our family coming this week... but I'll do what i can.  I'd appreciate any prayers you'd like to send our way.  And here is sweet Lilah in our 4D ultrasound at 29 weeks...     

Mini-vacation

Jude and i are leaving tomorrow for our miniature vacation to Santa Rosa, for our friends wedding.  I'm so looking forward to it, but I already feel sad about leaving my sweet babies behind.  I'm going to miss them so much, but I can't wait to get some time alone with my husband as well.  It's such a struggle. 

I was telling Joshy about how we were going on a little trip, and that he and Isaac were going to stay with grandma and grandpa... and he said:  "is that fine, if i go with you?"  :)  such a sweet boy.  I told him not to be sad, and to have a good time, and to help take care of his little brother, and he stopped me and said, "but mom, i AM sad."  seriously!?  melts my heart!  Hopefully they'll have some good quality time with grandma and pa, and won't be too big of stinkers while we're gone! 

I'm all tanned, hair is done, had my eyebrows waxed, pedicure and manicure... you'd think i was the one getting married!  I feel like i need all the help i can get, being the only short, pregnant one in the group of bridesmaids!  Hopefully I'll look ok, and not too much bigger than the rest of them! ha!  I know the photographer, so hopefully he'll capture my good angles! lol! 

Jude is growing a horrible mustache for the wedding as well (i wish i had a picture to post).  The groom had the bright idea to make all of his groomsmen grow mustaches so that he looks more handsome.  I think it will work!  I might just bring clippers to the reception and shave it off while we're there :)  He does look very handsome in his suit though :) 

I think we'll have a great time, and I'm looking forward to being able to relax and get some alone time with my hubby as well.  it's been a long time, and WILL be a very long time before it happens again, so I want to take full advantage of this opportunity!

Wish us safe travels :)  And pray that my boys behave themselves!  I miss them already. 

     

21 weeks : Lilah Rose

We've decided on a name for our precious little girl:  Lilah Rose.  It took us so long to come up with something that we loved, and now we have it.  Little Lilah is moving around quite a bit, and Jude felt her move on the outside of my belly last week.  I can't help but smile whenever i feel her moving, because that is probably my favorite part of pregnancy.  And she's not big enough for the movement to be uncomfortable yet :)  I'm anxious for Joshy to feel her move, because I think he'll get a kick out of that.  I'm looking forward to getting the 4D ultrasound with Lilah too, it's always fun to see them moving around in there.  And after getting it for the first two, we can't NOT get it with the third ;)  Oh my goodness, we're going to have three kids... wow!  Sometimes reality sets in, and it shocks me! 

 Joshua turned three last week, and the pirate party was a success. The next couple days following his party, he kept asking where his bounce house was! ha! and even today, while i was posting pictures of his birthday on FB, he said, "I want a party right now mom." I guess that means he had a good time :) I'm just amazing at how fast he's grown. Three years have gone by so fast, and my little baby boy has grown into a little person... with his own thoughts and opinions. I love that boy so much.

Isaac is 15 months old already!  I feel like he's growing up even faster than his brother did.  He's so funny, and he knows it too.  He woke up today from his morning nap, and said, "hi"  :)  and then Josh said, "hey mom, he's a big guy!"  He's very attached to me.  I can't even walk in the other room without screams of terror.  I don't know where he thinks I'm going... but it terrifies him.  It's hard to get things done around the house with Isaac in those moments, but I figure, it won't last forever (i hope).  He's like a little parrot, and loves to mimic whatever jude, josh or I do... which can be dangerous!  He's such a sweet boy, and I love him to pieces.

 Life is busy... and I understand now how hard you have to work at being married when you have small children.  In two weeks, some friends of ours are getting married in Santa Rosa, and Jude and I are going alone.  I'm SO looking forward to it.  We've never left Isaac before, and Joshy was pretty little the last time we left him.  I'm nervous about it, and I know I'll miss them terribly... but I'm looking forward to being able to just, be.  I think I'm probably more worried about my parents than the children! ha!  Everything seems to go wrong whenever I try to plan it all out.  But I know everyone will survive, somehow :)  Of course, my mom is already asking when we'll be home... and we haven't even left yet!!

I started going to a mom's group on Saturday mornings, through eastside, and I really love it!  We all get along really well, and have babies around the same ages... it's just wonderful.  I always feel filled up when we meet, and I love that!

Both boys are in bed... suppose to be napping.  There is something SO amazing about silence.  Am I right?  :)    

Think Pink :)

Tomorrow I am 20 weeks pregnant, and we found out last week that we're having a girl!  I'm still shocked, and getting used to the idea of a girl, but it's so fun at the same time!  We went to target to get a few things, and i just kind of wandered around the girl section, and got so excited to be able to dress our little bundle in all of those cute clothes.  I was totally expecting the ultrasound tech to tell me it was a boy, and i even kept calling "it" a "he" before she told us... I am so excited and happy that everything looks healthy so far.  And bonus, she didn't make me drink a ton of water and hold it either!  I thanked her for that :)

Isaac came with us to the appointment, and he was so good.  He just sat on Jude's lap the whole time, and in between he layed on me too, so sweet.  When we got home and told Josh, he raised his hands up and said "yessss"  ha!  He's such a sweet boy, and loves telling people we have a girl in mommy's tummy.  sidenote:  Josh just came in the kitchen and said he's had a long day and if he could have a Popsicle.  Gosh he is adorable! 

I've been SO emotional with this pregnancy... and my face is breaking out so bad.  It's annoying.  I feel like I'm in high school again.  I've had a few days of just being weepy, and if something random happens, I'll burst into tears, which is not normal for me.  My energy level depends on the kind of day I've had with the boys... but most days i find that nap time is a necessity, even if i only get a half hour to myself,  i need it! 

I'm looking forward to decorating our little girl's bedroom.  I picked out the bedding, and we're going to do flowers and butterfly decals on the walls.  We have a list of about 5 names that we keep going back and forth on... i don't know why girl names are so much harder.  Naming our boys was a piece of cake.  I'm feeling a bit anxious about what our lives will look like with three kids, but I'm trusting that everything will all work out.

I do feel really encouraged with where I'm at spiritually though... After lent, I feel like i really learned a lot about myself and I'm trying to be a better person, and opening up to what God has for me instead of my own ideas.  It's hard, especially in this stage of our lives, with two small kids, but i was never promised it would be easy.  Every Sunday, i really feel like i get a lot out of church, and am encouraged to take that home and be an example to our kids and just keep working at my walk with God and living that out in everyday life.  MOPS has been great for me and also, i started going to a mom's bible study too, which has been great to meet new moms and go through a book with them.  I feel like I'm constantly learning, and growing... which is a good feeling, and something that i think we are suppose to do. 

Kind of a tangent, but we live really close to a cemetery, and I drive by it all the time, just because it's on our way home etc... and I can't help but think about my brother.  It makes me think a lot ... about him, about other people feeling loss, about my journey in dealing with the grief... just about a lot.  Almost every day i see a green awning/tent thing up, and know that they are preparing for a burial.  And then the other day, I was stopped at a stop light for a very long time, because of a funeral procession... and it made me think of that Thursday, a week after Josh died, how many people came to that church to celebrate his life, and pay their respects, so to speak.  And it made me think of how many cars were in that funeral procession, and how the fire truck was there, with the guys who responded to Josh's accident, and they helped block the roads for all the cars to get to the cemetery.  Feels like a dream sometimes... it's so surreal... just a lot of thoughts in my head.  And I'm not sure, seven years later, if i really dealt properly with any of it.  I miss my brother.  Every single day i wish he was here.  I'm not sure that will ever change... and i don't think i want it to change either.  Anyway... I'm not sure it's so good for me to be thinking so much :)  Especially with all these pregnancy hormones and how weepy I've been. 

In other news: Isaac likes to eat dirt... haha, and Joshua likes to dump dirt on Isaac and Bosco.  Bath time has been wonderful the past couple of days :)

We're starting to think about putting joshy in preschool a couple days a week this fall, which he is so excited about.  Isaac has this new dance i like to call the "bobble-head" which i got on film tonight, and it's hilarious! 

Easter morning :)

 Mother's day/Isaac's dedication

a little bit of everything...

I'm 16 weeks pregnant today.  My days feel very busy!  Jude just started a new thing at work, so his schedule is very different, which totally throws me off.  I've had to start being creative to keep my, almost three year old busy during the day.  And I think Isaac gets bored with me when josh is napping and it's just him and I :)  While Isaac naps, josh and i have been doing fun crafts or activities together, which is really fun.  I have some fun idea cards that have come in handy lately.  The boys have been sleeping great and napping great too!  And then of course, today, Isaac is being a stinker about going down for his morning nap...  I can't wait until those dumb molars come in!  

Josh's birthday is in a month, and i just decided today that we will be doing a pirate themed party.  All those moms who have done pirates before me... give me some of your great ideas!!  I really need to start working on the invitations... and i haven't even started shopping for Easter baskets...  ugh.

Isaac started signing "please" and "thank you", which is adorable!  He's signed "all done" and "more" for a while, but i finally got him to say the other two, which i count as quite an accomplishment.  It's the little things right?  He's saying animal sounds now too:  quack, baa, moo... it's very cute. 

I feel like my energy level has finally started to get back to normal... so I've had the energy to clean my house, which has been driving me crazy for weeks now!  I still have a lot to do, but at least i feel like I'm getting somewhere.  I probably should be folding laundry right now actually :)  

So i gave up Facebook for Lent this year, and I was incredibly surprised by how lonely i felt!  And then... it made me kind of sad that my only connection with people is through FB, and that i would feel lonely because of it.  I feel like it's something that has to change... but I'm not really sure where to start.  I think more than ever, I'm really missing community, and connection.  I think it might be time to talk my husband into joining a life group.  We'll see how that goes.  I really miss having close friends... and it makes me sad to think about how things change over time.  

We are working on converting Josh's room into a "big kid room."  I know this sounds crazy, but he's still in his crib.  I asked him how he felt about getting a big boy bed, and he wasn't thrilled with the idea.  I told him that the new baby would need to sleep in his crib, and then suddenly, he was ok with it :)  He's such a sweet boy. 

May 11th is our ultrasound appointment, so we're excited to find out if we'll be having a little boy or girl.  Josh keeps saying it's a boy, so we'll see :) 

         

   

Due date: 10/6/11

Well, we are pregnant. ha! I can't help but laugh, because I'm still getting used to the idea. We had not planned on having another little one quite this soon, but on the other hand, let's face it, we know how these things happen! The day before i found out, i was laughing about how when josh was Isaac's age, i was pregnant, and how completely CRAZY that was! well, there you go. I'm 10 weeks, and due October 6, 2011.

I am a little bit worried and anxious about what our lives are going to look like with a new addition. I'm already praying for patience and my sanity! I am also so very grateful that we have been able to get pregnant without any problems, and so far, everything with the third is going just fine. I got to see the little nugget a couple days ago through an ultrasound. There was one strong little heartbeat, and a lot of wiggling going on :)

When we tell people, almost everyone asks me: so you're hoping for a girl?? And honestly, I can say that I'm not. Boy or girl, I will be totally content. I always say that i would love to buy clothes for a little girl :) but if we had another boy, that would be totally fine with me!

Since this is our third, the topic has come up quite a bit about if we will be "done" after this... and i have to say, it's a little sad thinking that this could be my last pregnancy, but at the same time, also a little bit thrilling! haha! I'm so incredibly tired all the time, and chasing after two, very active boys all day doesn't help either! I know it's only going to get worse as my belly begins to grow... so we'll see. Who knows. Jude keeps saying he wants a boy, and then the fourth to be a girl, so she will have to tell potential boyfriends that her dad is a cop, and she has three older brothers :) Don't know if that will happen, but Jude is a very wishful thinker ;)

In other news, the boys are so fun, and busy! They're outside right now, playing with bubbles. It's so fun to hear them play outside, and giggle with each other. Don't get me wrong, there is already quite a bit of fighting between those two, but i cherish the times they are kind to one another.

Isaac turned one a couple weeks ago, and Josh will be three in May. Where has the time gone? Joshua is very cute about this baby... i picked him up the other day, and he said: "mom, be careful, don't hurt the baby in your tummy." very sweet. I asked him if he wanted a brother or sister, and he said, maybe a sister?? :) Joshy is a very good helper, and such a sweet kid. He's so smart, and very sure of himself.

Isaac is babbling quite a bit, and saying a couple words here and there. He's my cuddly baby. It amazes me how different two kids can be! he's walking all over and very attached to mommy right now. He makes funny faces all the time, and loves to tackle :)

Jude is officially off probation!! It's been a long journey, but I'm very proud of him. We are so thankful for his job, and feel like God really led us to where we're at right now. I couldn't be more grateful.

ok, time to get dinner ready...

planning my baby's first birthday :)

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